 Photo by Theresa White
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Folk JokesEveryone Knows Some |
Photo by Theresa White
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Folk JokesEveryone Knows Some |
What do you do with a folksinger on your porch?
Pay him for the pizza!
What's the difference between a mandolin and a mandola?
A mandola burns longer!
What's the difference between a saving bond and a folksinger?
Saving bonds accrue interest and they mature over time!
Ashley Glas
Wednesday, March 22, 2006 at 12:00:34 (PST)
How many folk singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3 1 to hold the bulb and 2 to turn the chair!
Why are bagpipers always marching?
They're trying to get away from the noise!
A slightly well known folk singer had noticed his memory was getting worse and worse, so he attended a three week memory improvement course. He found it so helpful that he persuaded his friend, a banjo player, to take the course. A few weeks later the banjo player and his wife were eating dinner with the folk singer. The folk singer asks the banjo player if the course had helped. The banjo player says he has noticed a great improvement in his memory, and that he really likes the method of tying a mental image to things to help remember them. So the folk singer asks the banjo player what his instructor's name was. Banjo player asks "what is the name of that pretty flower with the long green stem and thorns?" The folk singer says "a rose?" Banjo player says "yeah that's it" turns to his wife and asks "Rose, what was the name of my instructor?"
A slightly well known folk singer had noticed his memory was getting worse and worse, so he attended a three week memory improvement course. He found it so helpful that he persuaded his friend, a banjo player, to take the course. A few weeks later the banjo player and his wife were eating dinner with the folk singer. The folk singer asks the banjo player if the course had helped. The banjo player says he has noticed a great improvement in his memory, and that he really likes the method of tying a mental image to things to help remember them. So the folk singer asks the banjo player what his instructor's name was. Banjo player asks "what is the name of that prety flower with the long green stem and thorns?" The folk singer says "a rose?" Banjo player says "yeah that's it" turns to his wife and asks "Rose, what was the name of my instructor?"
Q: What do you call a folk singer with a rubber toe?
A: Robertoe
I'm on the Chet Atkins Diet....I just pick at my food.
(ba-dum-dum)
(Mark Stuart, The Ark, Ann Arbor, 6-3-2004)
Robyn and Bryn were walking down the street one day, when Bryn spied a frog sitting on the sidewalk. "Help me, help me!" the frog said. "I used to be a folk singer, but an evil witch turned me into a frog. The only way to break the spell is to kiss me. Help me, help me!" So Bryn picked up the frog and put him in her pocket. They continued to walk along.
Shortly, the frog popped out of Bryn's pocket and repeated (in a most inimitable way) "Help me, help me! I used to be a folk singer, but an evil witch turned me into a frog. The only way to break the spell is to kiss me. Help me, help me!" Bryn, again, picked up the frog, put it back into her pocket and they continued to walk along.
"Why'd you do that?" asked Robyn. "Why don't you kiss the frog and break the spell?" "Frankly," replied Bryn, "you can make a lot more money with a talking frog than with a folk singer"
#2
A man dies and finds himself standing in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that admission requirements are a bit strict because a few slum landlords and con-artists have managed to slip into Heaven without being detected. He queries the first candidate, "What was your annual salary, and what was your profession?" "I made $250,000 as an attorney," comes the reply. "You may enter," St. Peter responds. The second candidate gets the same question. "I made $195,000. I was a Realtor." He answers. He also is permitted to enter. Now, it's the third man's turn. "My annual income was $8,000," he tells the gate keeper. "Oh, I see," replies St. Peter. "How long were you a folk singer?"
This land is your land. . .
This land is my land. . .
Stay the hell over there on your land. . .
What did the banjo player get on his IQ test?
Drool. (Bah dum-bum!!!)
I know a lady who has a summertime business at the beach. She has a kiosk right on the boardwalk where she offers batteries to the public for their radios, cameras, and other portable appliances. You might even say that she sells "C" cells by the seashore!
Actor William Shatner and I were talking the other day about the original "Star Trek" series in which he played "Captain James T. Kirk". I asked him if he had a "best friend" among the cast. Indeed, he did, the late DeForest Kelley, who played "Dr. Leonard McCoy". He told me that he would visit Kelley on his estate in Georgia from time to time, and would walk in the wooded area at one end of the propery, where Kelley would absolutely disappear into the forest. I asked Shatner why this was, and I was told, "because you can't see DeForest through the trees!!!"
Hope you like them!
So a guy in San Francisco goes to a pawn shop to find a conversation piece for his apartment. While there, looking at all the stuff people pawned, he sees a dead rat on a rope, stiff as a board. Wow, the conversations that'll start, he thinks to himself, and asks the shopkeeper how much? That's a hundred dollars the shopkeeper says. I'll take it says the guy. As he's walking home he notices that rats are following him every step of the way. The more blocks he walks the more rats. Just before he gets to the bay so many are following him he's half running. When he gets to the bay he takes the dead rat swings it around his head and throws it into the bay, and what seems like every rat in S.F. jumps in after it. The guy runs back to the pawn shop and says, "Have you got any banjos"
So, an opera singer, a rock star, and a folk singer go into a bar. The bartender asks the opera singer "What'll ya' have?" I hi hi hiiieel have some vino oh oh oh,"he says. Then the bartender asks the rock star the same question. "waaaah haah haah haaa'll have a beer.
How do you know the open mike stage is perfectly level?
The Bassist ,guitarist and the banjo players drool equally out of both sides of their mouths
There's nothing I like better than the sound of a banjo...
...unless it's the sound of a chicken caught in a vacuum cleaner.
If I had a hammer............
There'd be no more folk singers!
An accordian player and banjo player got a gig on New Years' Eve. To the pub they went, playing all night, and rocking the house! At the end of the night, the owner comes up to them and says, 'That was great! Fantastic! I want to hire you again to do this next year!."
The banjo player looked at the accordian player.
The accordian player looked at the banjo player and nodded.
The banjo player replies, "Great! Can we leave our instruments here?"
Q: What do you call a folk singer who's back on the road again?
A: A hitchhiker
Q:What do you call a folk singer moonlighting as an au pare?
A: A hootin-nanny
Q: What do you say to an employed folk-singer?
A: Supersize it.
There's a new story being passed around the internet. It concerns a millionaire folk musician who was driving his Bentley convertable and picked up a hitchhiker who turned out to be Elvis. They continued down the road through a forest for a while and saw Bigfoot cross the road. They rounded a corner and in a clearing a flying saucer landed with two little green men climbing out. It's a hoax. There's no such thing as a millionaire folk musician.
What do you call a folksinger without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb? 3 one to change the light bulb and 2 to stand around and talk about how much better the old light bulb was.
Definition: Baroque
Most folk musicians' financial status.
Did you hear about the bus load of banjo players that was hijacked by terrorists?
The terrorists threatened to release one every hour until all their demands were met.
What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor?
You tie a rope to a banjo before throwing it overboard.
How many alto singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Alto singers can't reach that high.
How do you make a small fortune in folk music?
Start with a large fortune.
Q: What is the definition of a Gentleman?
A: A man who knows how to play the banjo, but refrains from doing so.
Q: What is the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When a banjo doesn't hit the rim when thrown
into a toilet.
A long one...bear with me!
Three men die in a car accident and go to heaven. It being a slow day, St. Peter decides to have some fun with them by trying to guess each man's occupation based on his IQ. The first man walks up to St. Peter:
St.P: What was your IQ while you were on earth?
1st Man: 165
St.P: I bet you were....a Doctor.
1st: Man: Why...you're right! That's Amazing...may I go into heaven now?
St.P: Yes my son...and God bless.
The second man walks up to St. Peter:
St.P: What was your IQ while you were on earth?
2nd Man: 140
St.P: I bet you were....a Lawyer.
2nd Man: Why...you're right! That's Amazing...may I go into heaven now?
St.P: Yes my son...and God bless.
The third man walks up to St. Peter:
St.P: What was your IQ while you were on earth?
3rd Man: 70
St.P: What kind of banjo strings did you use?
(ouch...hope it was worth the wait).
How many folk musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Depends on the size of the stage
Something you'll never hear a Jewish mother say: "This is my son, the folk singer."
PS: Sorry, yesterday's joke wasn't about folk singers. I forgot the site's purpose! Won't happen again.
Q: What would be too large to ever be built?
A: A memorial to unknown folk performers.
Oxymoron: "Famous folk performer"
Q: Why do Yugos have rear window defrrosters?
A; So folksingers can keep their hand warm.
Q: Hoe many folksingers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A; Folksingers don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in VW vans.
Q: Why is the number of folksingers dwindling?
A: Have you ever seen an over 50 groupie chick?
WERS and WUMB collaborated on a contest for listeners. First prize was a free ticket to the listener's favorite folk festival. Second prize was tickets to all of them.
Q: How can you tell if it's a folksinger at the door?
A: He can't find his key, and he doesn't know
when to come in.
What's the difference between a mandolin & a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline!
Son : Dad, I want to be a folksinger when I grow up.
Father: I'm sorry, son, but you can't have it both ways.
How many folksingers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five - one to change the bulb, and four to complain that it's electric.
How many folksingers does it take to change a light bulb?
The answer is blowin' in the wind...
Phrase never spoken:
"That's the folksinger's Porsche"
What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and a folk singer?
The pizza can feed a family of five.
If I had a hammer there would be no more folk singers.
You are lost in the woods and you come across a rich fok singer, a poor folk singer and the Easter Bunny......who do you ask for directions? The poor folk singer....the other two are a figment of your imagination! ( I know, I know....that is incredibly cheesy!)
There are now three sexual preferences:
Homo, hetero, and folk singer
Attributed to Rosanne Barr
knock, knock. who's there?
wilbur wright. wilbur wright, who?
wilbur wright back after we take a short break . . .
What's the difference between a puppy and a folksinger?
A puppy stops whining after about six weeks.
What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead folksinger in the road?
There are skid marks before the snake.
What's the difference between cutting up and onion and cutting up a banjo?
No one cries when you cut up a banjo.
What do have when you have a folksinger buried up to his head in sand?
Not enough sand.
How many bluegrass bass fiddle players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. Five. One. Five.
And, the ever popular:
How do you make a million dollars in folk music?
Start with two million dollars.
This is one I heard told by Leo Kottke.
An accordion player was driving home from the big accordion gig. {That's funny enough to be the whole joke right there but wait there's more}He decides to stop in a local bar for a beer.When the bartender delivers the beer he suddenly remembers that he left his accordion in the back seat of the car and even though the car was locked the accordion could be plainly seen through the window.He quickly finishes his beer and leaves.When he gets to his car sure enough the back window is smashed and there are three more accordions in the back seat
Q: What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a guitar?
A: You don't need to plug in a guitar to make it suck.
Q: What's the difference between a dead squirrel in the road and a dead folksinger in the road?
A: It's a shame about the squirrel, it had a gig.
Q: How does a folksinger streamline his car?
A: By removing the pizza delivery sign.
Q: What do you call a folksinger who breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2, one to change the light bulb and the other to write a song about the dead lightbulb
There were two people walking down the street. One was a folk singer. The other didn't have any money either.
What did the folksinger say when he won the Megabucks?
I'll keep touring until the money runs out!
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© 2009 Richard H. Fox |